I thought Calculus would be the final hurdle but it was just the start

The early morning commute to the tutoring center

I remember staring at the subway map, trying to figure out if I could make it to the Gangnam area in time for my afternoon session. It felt like I was spending half my life either in a classroom or on the way to one. My parents kept talking about this specific academy in Bundang, saying it was the only place that understood the nuance of the American curriculum. I honestly didn’t care about the reputation, I just wanted to stop feeling like I was behind. Most of my friends were already talking about their schedules for the next two years, and the pressure felt heavy, like a backpack that was somehow gaining weight every single day.

Trying to map out the math track

When we sat down to look at the course sequence—Algebra 1, Geometry, Algebra 2, then the dreaded Pre-Calculus—it looked like a vertical wall I had to climb. I saw some brochures for Masterprep and other online platforms, promising that if I just mastered the basics, I wouldn’t have to worry about the 12th-grade slump. But looking at the roadmap, I realized that if I faltered even for one semester, I wouldn’t even be eligible for AP Calculus BC by the time I was a senior. That realization didn’t come from a counselor; it came from staring at the requirements for a STEM major I wasn’t even sure I wanted to pursue yet.

The reality of the AP crunch

Everyone talks about 11th grade as if it’s this monolithic block of time that determines your entire future. I remember sitting in my room, trying to force myself to study AP Chemistry and Calculus at the same time. It was exhausting. The textbooks were these massive, heavy things that seemed designed to intimidate you. I heard about the SGU pathway programs and wondered if I should have just taken a different route entirely, something less focused on these rigid AP tests. But then you look at the Common App stats, and you realize that 80% of the people getting into the schools you want are doing exactly what you’re doing. It’s not about enjoying the subject anymore; it’s just about completing the sequence.

Those long hours in the classroom

I spent three hours a day at that SAT academy during the summer. The air conditioning was always set to a freezing temperature, and I remember the smell of lukewarm coffee and old paper. The instructors were smart, sure, but they were tired, too. Sometimes, we’d spend forty minutes just going over a single problem set from an AIME paper, and I’d wonder if this extra layer of difficulty was actually helpful or just a way to keep us busy. There was this one student sitting next to me who was obsessed with getting every single point on the ISEE, and watching their stress levels just made my own headache worse.

Still feeling uncertain about the goal

Even now, when I think about the money my parents spent on all those prep classes, I don’t feel a sense of relief. I just feel… caught. The Calculus score is on the transcript, the AP credits are locked in, but I’m not sure if I actually learned how to think, or if I just learned how to survive a specific set of tests. The whole process feels like a blur of dates and acronyms. Maybe I’ll feel different when the college decision letters actually arrive, but for now, it just feels like I’ve finished a very long, very expensive marathon that I didn’t necessarily choose to run in the first place.