Ten Years as a ‘Goose Dad’ and the Cost of Studying Abroad

It’s been over a decade now since I sent my daughter off to study in the States. For the longest time, I was what people call a ‘goose dad’ here in Korea, living alone while my wife and daughter were abroad. The idea was for them to get a good education, and I was supposed to be the one supporting it financially. My wife went with our daughter initially, ostensibly to help her settle in. But then, time just kept passing.

I was living in this tiny place, barely bigger than a dorm room, surviving on instant noodles and instant coffee. It felt like a constant hustle, trying to make enough money. You know, there are the famous Ivy League schools, then there are places like NYU, and of course, state universities like the University of Wisconsin. We looked at a lot of options, and the costs just kept adding up. I remember seeing brochures for colleges like Santa Monica College, and then thinking about the big university tuition down the line. It’s a huge financial commitment, and honestly, it felt like a bottomless pit sometimes. We also looked into places like Embry-Riddle for my son’s aviation interests, and SUNY system schools. All of it was so expensive.

I figured once my daughter got into a good American university, my wife would come back. That was the plan. But years went by. She’d say, ‘I’ll think about it,’ or ‘Let’s see,’ but never a clear ‘yes.’ Meanwhile, I was here, working late nights, doing deliveries after my day job just to save up every penny. The thought of my son also wanting to study abroad later on, seeing him needing help with his college expenses, that added another layer of pressure. He’s been preparing for college for years, and sometimes I see him in his room, focused on his studies, and I wonder if all this sacrifice is truly worth it for him.

When my daughter finally got into university, I tried to push the issue again. ‘Please come home.’ But the answer was always vague. I felt like my life had just become about earning money, and for what? I had sent so much money, maybe upwards of 800 million won over the years, when you factor everything in. It’s hard to even keep track. Meanwhile, I heard snippets about how my wife was living – parties, golf, a life I wasn’t part of. It felt like a different world. I’d spent ten years in that tiny room, eating ramen, while she was out living a life I couldn’t imagine.

There’s this agency, Kookmin Iju, they partner with places like The Princeton Review to help with US study abroad plans and investment immigration. They talk about strategy and roadmaps. It makes you wonder if maybe I should have gone through something like that, instead of just fumbling through it all by myself. They focus on GPA, SAT scores, extracurriculars, awards – all the things that matter for getting into a US college. We definitely focused on GPA and tried to get a good SAT score for my daughter, but the whole process felt overwhelming.

Eventually, after all those years, I started to feel incredibly detached from my daughter too. We’d talk, but it wasn’t the same. She was living her own life, and I was just the guy sending money from afar. She’d gotten into university, and I was still in Korea, alone in my small room. I suggested she come back for a visit, but she seemed hesitant. It felt like the distance had created a gap that was hard to bridge. I don’t even know if she really wants to come back to Korea after finishing her studies. It’s a big question mark hanging over everything.